it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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