dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize