My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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