I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
