Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
