I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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