You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
