I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am spending my child support on dildos
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
