I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
