Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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