Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ketchup is God's man juice
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
