I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
