Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Randomize
