so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
