I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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