and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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