I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She bit a glass in half.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize