i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize