If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you had me at cake vodka
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
