How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
