M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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