Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
