U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
