Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i need some magic done to my vagina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
