You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
