I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
