If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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