i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
