I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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