On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My life is pants optional.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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