I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
