so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
