He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
