you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
