is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
