shes about as inviting as chlamydia
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
