Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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