I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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