you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this just has baby written all over it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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