he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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