everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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