White coat. Heels.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
