I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
