Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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