haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
