omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize