just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
