i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize