Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
