I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
