The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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