I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
