i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
