I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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