I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
