i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
