There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
