Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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