so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
