8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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