here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
