ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Randomize
