I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I am morally bankrupt
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
