I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you traded sex for a burrito?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
