I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
