Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
