I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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