yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
