She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
no, he came in my armpit
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
BRING THE BAGELS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
